I wish I could punch you in the face.
someone threw a dead crab at me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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