I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize