Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
