I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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