Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
