i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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