your thong is hanging out like whoa
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
