Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
