So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
