just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
