I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
