More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
