So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
