Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
