Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
