Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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