a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
