i permit you to call me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
