Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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