It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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