he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Im part way to drunk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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