p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
