I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
