God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my vagina is haunted
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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