I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
