get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We just shotgunned beers for America
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
