she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
