I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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