after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They took my balls.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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