I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
