Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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