dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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