Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
