We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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