Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
