You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
