On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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