You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
