Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
