Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize