Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Terrible idea I love it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
