I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
