Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
