if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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