Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As shirtless as possible
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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