Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
