Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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