I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she peed on how many people?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize