I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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