On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sponge bath it is.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
