remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
