is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
