____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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