It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
