had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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