I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
