I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
