Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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