i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
