I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
