i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
