his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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