i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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