the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
